Developing Yourself.

Hi there. I won’t be talking today about random sh*t for a change.



I was going to start this post with tips on how to ‘find’ yourself. Before I wrote this line, I realized that you never really ‘find’ yourself – you develop yourself. Even when you think you’ve lost a part of your personality for whatsoever reason, like maybe you’re not as fun and crazy as you were x years ago, you don’t really need to look around and try to be the same person. Actually, scratch that. No one ever loses a part of themselves, they just shed it off like snakes (bad reference, but you get my point). When you finally come out, you’re fresh and shiny, and that skin gets older with more experience and wisdom till it’s ready to shed again.  People change for a reason – it’s called development – and it should be embraced. If you don’t like it, you always have the power to change it, but it’s actually good if you don’t go back to being exactly what you used to be because if you do, it would mean that you really haven’t grown. And from what I have learnt, people grow most during tough times. So when you’re dealing with something like ‘who am I?’, I call it developing yourself. So dear reader, if you’re confused and feel ‘lost’, stop trying to find yourself, and develop yourself. It won’t happen overnight, but I promise you it will when you’re ready, and you’ll know you’re ready not by telling yourself that you are, but by feeling all those questions burn through you, confusing you, enraging you and eventually embracing and accepting all those feelings. There is no other way to it, no shortcuts, and no rushing through it.

Now since that is clear, let’s move on to the next stage.

I’m a firm believer of the saying ‘tough times define tough people’ (not sure if it’s actually a quote, but it’s good as long as you get it). I remember when I was in my teens, I was talking on the phone to someone in his early 20’s at that time, and he told me that he’s trying to know himself and discover who he is. I didn’t know the intensity of his struggle because I couldn’t understand it at that time. So when he asked me in return, “do you know who you are?” I responded like any other teen going through their own whirlwind of struggles and complaining that life is too hard – “Of course, I do”

I smile to myself when I think of it now.

When the dust finally settled, I had just graduated out of high school and I thought to myself – “Now I know what he meant” when really it was just the tip of the iceberg. That time onward, I again, like an ignorant piece of sh*t, thought I knew everything there was to know about myself, till I faced another problem. I had shaped my choices, behavior personality, everything on the basis of an idea of what I wanted everyone else to perceive me as. I still see many people doing that. There is nothing wrong in picking up pieces of other people’s personality and traits except it makes you Frankenstein if overdone. You must be what you feel like being, and not what you think you should be like.

Anyway, so this 2nd person made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, so I started adapting to his idea of a perfect person. I won’t blame him entirely for what happened because I was partly at fault. I believed that I wasn’t good enough and started changing myself to fit in his box of a perfect person. That was a test, and I don’t think I failed. Not going down to the bottom of that pit wasn’t success, but coming out was. It seems like an easy decision, but it isn’t when you’re in that situation. I felt lost for almost a year, hoping to get out of the pit, thinking that I was ready. But like I said, you have to feel and go through all of the suffering, confusion, pain, and the whole party that comes with it in order to finally be ready to emerge. Your endurance and patience will be tested and that is when you must not give up. It’s okay to be scared, people who say that they’re not afraid of hardships are lying. You will feel hopeless and helpless with no idea where to go. You might try to ask for help from loved ones, but they might not understand. Even if they do, there is only so much they can do to help you. In the end, it’s your battle and only you can fight it. But when you do, you keep doing it without seeing light in the cave (I won’t say tunnel, because you have no sense of direction in these kind of situations). Keep faith, and keep trying to move and struggle even if you think that it’s not working, because there is always an end, and I promise you, you will emerge stronger and more confident than ever before. You will get over the aftermath and see everything clearer as each day, month and year passes by – I promise.

Today I know that I don’t know everything, not even about myself. But I keep getting better at it every day. I may not be proud of all the decisions I made during those times, but I’m proud that I’ve learnt from them, and I’m still learning when I think about the past from a different perspective. Thinking about the past doesn’t mean that you obsess over it, but you learn to detach yourself from the equation and be open to learning from it as much as you can. One should let go of the past, but not forget it, because it is one of the things that make us who we are. The rest of the things that truly define us are our choices. Seeing situations objectively is one of those choices and a talent that one perfects over time.

I hope this will help me in some way tomorrow when I’m going through another rough patch and someone else who is going through it right now. And if you feel you’re alone and you wish to be happy like everyone else seems to be, just remember – you’re far ahead of the people oblivious to this struggle.


“Be scared of the hard times, but don’t run from them. And if you’re not scared, it’s just not hard enough”  

– That was me


Note: I have started to think more for myself, otherwise I wouldn’t have written about my own personal experiences here simply because I’m a bit private that way. I am writing all this because writing makes me feel lighter sometimes and I want to keep this as something I do for myself and not for the blog. Now whether you get to read this post or not will be based on another decision – whether to put this piece out there for everyone else to read and hopefully help someone in the process, or to keep it safely to myself, like I have till now.



Tips and tricks: How to avoid binge shopping

How many times have you walked in a store to buy a pair of jeans (or whatever you need), and found yourself almost drooling at a THE cutest pair of shoes you’ve ever seen in a long time (seems like forever)? Then you’re thinking “Oh my god, I need those shoes, I don’t know when I will wear them, but they are just so cute and on SALE!! Should I get them? I’m getting them.” and then you go home, all happy and content, and even try them on and wear them around for the next few hours, adoring them (like I do 😛 ) But then they’re just kept for ‘storage till the right time’ in that shoe closet, when it gathers dust, cracks, fungus (whatever makes you tick). And when the ‘right time’ comes along, you realize that either it doesn’t go with that particular attire, it doesn’t fit you anymore, it’s out of fashion, or it just lost it’s ‘spark’.

I used to find myself in similar situations when I was in my early teens, and I had already started breaking away from what my mom picked for me. After buying and getting scolded for many things that I didn’t use at all, I realized that I have a responsibility of buying things, whether they are gadgets, jewellery or even stationary items responsibly (staedtler pencils are expensive).


So, I worked out a way to stop doing that over and over again: having a rapid fire round in my head and throwing questions like:

1. Is this my style? Will I actually wear this? Just because that pink kitten tee is cute doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily wear it.
2. Do I need this? If you already have a watch, or a similar pair of shoes, you probably don’t. Additionally, that doesn’t mean that you buy that GPS enabled watch to avoid ‘getting lost’ in college.

3. Did I keep my wallet in my bag? This one is a no-brainer.
4. If I buy this, will I have to starve myself for a week to patch up the hole in my pocket? We all can’t be on the Forbes list now, kid.

5. Is it even worth that much? Note: most sellers label their products with prices ending in 9’s, like 799. Make sure you see that as it is rather than jumping with joy and throwing it over the cash counter as soon as you read the first digit.

6. Is it versatile? If it is a classic, or goes with most of the other things you ALREADY own, then it is probably a good buy.
7. Is the material sturdy/real? Don’t get ripped off, guys. Literally.
8. Can you find something similar somewhere else or even online for a lower price? There are two sides to this: good part – you can get a better bargain; bad part – it probably isn’t unique (if you’re particular about that thing)
9. In case you’re shopping online, be sure of the size and fit. Returning stuff can be disheartening. The model wearing that ‘god-like’ stuff is probably taller, thinner, and photoshopped. Stuff like crop tops look better on mannequins than on pot bellies. Be real.

10. Divide your finances and stick to your limit of expenditure on shopping unless you want to go back to #4.

11. Is that style a ‘new trend’? If it’s in right now, it probably won’t stay on the same pedestal next season. Be sure to be ready to deal with it.
12. Do I have similar products? Buying another white shirt is just stupid, unless you have a rather rigid dress code at work.
13. Do I have space to keep it?
Will my closet really explode if I try ‘squeezing’ it? Do I have space for another hanger?
14. Will I regret not buying this if I walk out and end up thinking about it the entire day?
If yes, congratulations! You have found yourself a winner!

These questions help me refine my cart… maybe a bit too much (I ended up becoming too choosy. People who come with me end up shopping for themselves).

But hey, at least I get what I really want/need!

Till next time.

Sound of Silence

No, this post does not refer to the track by Simon and Garfunkel. That track is quite good though.

It just refers to my current state of my mind, when I don’t say anything, even though I have endless conversations going on in my head. I have never been this close to myself before. Some say being by yourself is sad. Why should it be? There is so much to introspect, so much to think about and so much to discuss. But then I continue to counter my argument on every subject, even this one, and it seems endless. 

Right now, I’m just trying to keep writing something or the other just so that I don’t lose the hang and ultimately, the joy of writing, if you know what I mean. Even though this post is a short one, it’ll be something. So maybe, when I look back in the future, I will recall this day, like any other, or maybe different, when I had nothing to say, yet a lot in my head. I don’t usually stay quiet, you know. It was never in my nature. I used to be a pretty jumpy kid back then.  But over the years, I’ve learnt to or been made to stay quiet. Sometimes it pays to be quiet, sometimes you need to be quiet, sometimes you’re forced to be quiet, and sometimes, you’re just lost for words. So you enjoy the calm instead and choose to be quiet.


Image source:

Kheti Baadi (The periodical farming)

Try asking a girl what she longs for during exam time. Apart from shopping, meeting the boyfriend (or parents in my case), getting together with friends and watching movies, you’ll hear something similar to Kheti baadi or a visit to the parlour, which will actually top the list in order of precedence.

Thanks to the metro sexual men these days, even men miss their monthly appointment to get their legs, arms and even chest waxed. Sheesh.

Grooming is important because in today’s society, we are obsessed with it. Society idolises models, actors, and celebrities for reasons that are not so clear to me. We have media and advertisements which show us images of what the perfect woman and man should look like. Perfect people? Those are plastic people! Such ads influence the general public – from an 8 year old kid to someone in his/her late 50’s!

We are influenced by others to groom and to look good.

Today, this seems to be very important, more important to the average man than say, climate control or controlling crime rates.

Why do we groom?

  • To look good
  • To look how we think we should look (?)
  • To feel good
  • To attract people

BUT the main reason is to stay as a part of society and not as an outcast. To be a part of society!!

Being an outcast might seem cool. But let’s get real. It’s tough!

Anyways, grooming is necessary for the corporate world or society in general, because you do not want to offend others. If you stink, who is going to take you seriously? or want to be around you? Its plain old etiquettes. Also its pretty uncomfortable to be around someone whose, say armpits stink? and you want to tell them because maybe they don’t know – so you have to talk to that person and it’s just plain uncomfortable all around!

First impressions are very important, and never so much as in the corporate/business field. It’s not just a matter of bathing, and not stinking. If you want to win that client, get that contract, you want to look and feel like you are professional, competent, and able. So you dress accordingly. You make sure your hair are groomed. If you’re a guy, you give yourself a smooth shave every day. Beards are okay for IT weenies and senior execs, but for the guys in the trenches? You’re aiming for the Pierce Brosnan look.
Fair? No. But whoever told you life was fair?

10 Things you’ll only catch a hosteller doing

  1. Rushing for the elevator when you see it on the same floor as you are on
  2. Begging the mess people to open up when you’re late or the guards at the main gate to let you in after the time limit.
  3. Fighting with room mates over leaving the geyser on and the increasing electricity bill.
  4. Peeping into neighbours’ rooms and sing old songs like ‘Gumnaam hai koi’ in the creepiest voice possible in the middle of night.
  5. Doing each other’s hair, occasionally. GIRLS ONLY, or maybe boys too. (You never know!! :S )
  6. Watch movies on each other’s laptop.
  7. Copying and borrowing assignments without a worry to return it on time.
  8. Getting late for college despite living 5 minutes away from college.
  9. Taking minimum number of things for college, only the essentials. Who cares, you can always go back to get more if you need them so bad!
  10. Jumping over that one area of the boundary wall without fence and with piles of bricks on the other side to step on. As if they’re made for us to escape, or enter!!

Note for mum and dad: I have never done the last point up there! I swear!!!

Eat pray love? Heck no.

What is the first thought you get when you enter college apart from getting ‘more freedom’? It’s got to be your parents and society accepting the fact that you’re old enough to date now. But when will we actually be mature and smart enough to handle it? And even if we get there, will we have the time and patience for it? I’m sure my parents will be glad when they’ll read this. Imagine their relief! Getting back to the point. I remember my elder sister getting her permission to date when she entered college and started living in a hostel. So I was excited too. I mean, I hate hiding stuff from them. Because:

1. They always get to know.

2. They never like what they get to know.

3. They ALWAYS get to know.


Besides they say they have only one reason to stop me: It always affects my studies They have a point. It actually does. But then, I decided to handle it by getting back on track with my studies first. But now I stop and think, do I really have time for this? I mean heck, architecture sucks the the life out of me. I barely get enough time to take out for my family or even meet them. I even ‘watch’ movies without actually watching it cus I have to work. But somehow, the course sprinkles enough excitement to keep me hooked. Besides, why will I waste my precious time and grey matter on some idiot who’ll piss me off, fight with me and make me worry half of the time?  I’d rather draft my way to glory, or finish my design work, or draft new structures and systems which I never knew existed!! It is such a vast world, and we are surrounded by architecture all around. Apparently my teachers are right, we need to eat, pray and love architecture, even sleep, walk and talk architecture in order to get in the depths of the subject. Even then, it is never enough because there is no end to it. Sometimes, I skip my meals to get my work done or simply cus I’m too tired. And do I pray?? Oh, yeah I do. I pray 5 minutes before a jury or exam and kept praying before getting the admit card. Thankfully, I’m not debarred from any subject. Whoopee!!

Anyway, I haven’t been able to take out any time for meeting my family except my dad who visits me on and off for like 10 mins in two weeks because of my semester exams. But I’m looking forward to some fun and relaxing once I get a break. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder na. I can’t believe I’m writing a post on how I don’t have time for anything.


Anyway, I should scoot now. It’s dinner time and I’m hungry. See you around!

Image source:×250/22606860.jpg

My first blood donation

“It’s been more that half a year since I’ve turned 18 and I haven’t donated blood yet.” was what I had been thinking for the past few months. So when I got a mail informing students about the blood donation camp at my university, I saw my window of opportunity. Surprisingly, my B.C. class got cancelled and I was free by 10 for the rest of the day. So I went to the venue with a couple of friends for ‘moral support’ for my first blood donation. I filled the form, got my finger pricked to check my haemoglobin and blood pressure after which I got my card.
I lay down as Pratibha held my hand (yeah, I’m a wuss when it comes to pricking or injections) and I looked towards Rohan for some distraction and these guys started talking to distract me as the needle was ‘inserted’ in my right arm and man, it looked somewhat scary.

But heck, when I got out of that room, I felt awesome. Just the fact that my blood might just save someone and I did something good for a change made my day. And after that, I encouraged my friends to join me and some of them did.

Of course, I bragged about it too. 😛

Now coming to the facts which might urge you to go ahead and donate some blood:

Health Benefits of Blood Donation: 

Blood donation benefits extend beyond those who receive life-giving blood. Donors also receive numerous health benefits. Blood donation benefits to donors include:

  • Free health screening: Every time you give blood, a medical technician, doctor or nurse will check your blood pressure and give you a free health screening.
  • Reduced risk of heart disease: Some doctors and scientists believe that giving blood may prevent heart disease. Although no conclusive evidence is available, numerous physicians have noted that blood donors typically have fewer cases of heart disease than non-donors. Dr. Harvey Klein, in an article on USA Today, speculates that giving blood regularly reduces the amount of iron in the bloodstream. While iron is an important element and necessary for human life, too much iron may actually damage the heart and circulatory system. Dr. Klein and others believe that reducing blood iron through regular blood donation is a healthy way to potentially lower your risk of heart disease.
  • Acts of altruism make you feel good! Giving feels great, especially when you understand that one hour of your time and one pint of blood can save so many people.
  • Blood Donation giving the wonderful feeling of saving someone’s life.
  • One can diet or stay fit by donating blood regularly. One pint of blood (450 ml) when donated burns 650 calories in donor’s body.
  • After donating blood, the count of blood cells decreases in our body, which stimulates the bone marrow to produce new red blood cells in order to replenish the loss. So, it stimulates the production of new blood cells and refreshes the system.
  • Regular blood donation helps especially males in loosing iron on regular basis. It helps in reducing the chance of heart attack to one third.

P.S. It also gives you bragging rights. 😛