The Evaluation

There often come moments when everything is at a standstill and you know something is wrong. You can’t exactly put a finger on it but you know that only you can fix it and no amount of Googling will help you. Knowing that ‘everything is in the mind’ is different from believing it. 

Looking back, I realize that I’ve changed a lot, and multiple times. From a social butterfly, to an outcast, to a rebel, a hopeless person and to someone who just doesn’t give a shit anymore, but now, I guess I do. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t like myself anymore. I just don’t accept who I am right now and I don’t want to. Why should I if it doesn’t make me happy? When I feel restricted, and pulled back all the time? when I find myself ‘trying’ to enjoy and I can’t let go? 

I’ve found myself getting irritated at little things, being moody, irresponsible and insanely stupid in a bad way. Sighhhh, I haven’t let go in such a long time. 

I know I can’t really get back to the old me. The person I am right now is an amalgamation of the persons I’ve been, made into and wanted to be. I can’t change the past, but I can pick from it to make the present better. So I guess maybe instead of learning to be happy, or learn to love myself, I need to change myself on my terms, for myself, so that being and loving myself isn’t such a task, and it shouldn’t be.

Writing about all this seems to be the first step towards that. Yes it’s a short post after a long ass time, but the point is: I’m back! 



Pain is pure

Pain is there

It’s not gore

It can be shared


Pain is the truth

It’s what makes you alive

Doesn’t take a sleuth

For this to realize


Pain is beautiful

Pain is care

Not for the faint hearted

Feel it if you dare


Pain is all and all is pain

Soothes a monster

makes you humane

Tames a gangster

Keeps you sane

Makes you stronger

Nothing to lose, nothing to gain


Eradicates fear

from your mind

Feel your heart sear

It just made you kind


Can’t be hidden

Can’t remain

Has to be ridden

Things won’t be the same


It cleanses you within

makes you humble

pays for your sin

Before you mumble

Can you look in?

Tap Dancing Fingers gets recognition!

Guess what.

I got interviewed by Mr. Rahul Miglani, owner of and author of Desire v/s Destiny,  to whom I’m grateful for recognizing my blog as a prominent one and giving me this opportunity of sharing my evil intents with the world. (Just kidding)

Check it out here: Interview with Tap Dancing Fingers

To do list: Dilli Darshan

Okay, so my design mentor keeps asking about places we have visited in Delhi (or NCR) to discuss their design and architectural aspects of different sites. Being in a group of 10, it is easy for him to point and pick out students and ask them questions if they have been to so and so place, and if yes, what were their observations. It’s been more than thrice when I have said that I haven’t visited a so and so place in Delhi, and he keeps asking me in disbelief if I’m really from Delhi.

So, to save my ‘izzat’ as a Delhiite, I decided to make a list of places I need to visit in Delhi: MISSION – DILLI DARSHAN!!

So here is a list of places I need to visit because I’ve never been there, or I went there when I was a happy-go-lucky, and an architecturally ignorant kid:

  1. Jantar Mantar
  2. Haus Khas Village
  3. Lotus temple
  4. Railway museum
  5. Delhi zoo
  6. National Museum, NGMA
  7. Nehru Place
  8. Lal Quila
  9. Old Fort
  10. IHC
  11. INA
  12. India Gate
  13. Humayun’s Tomb
  14. Akshardham temple
  15. Garden of 5 senses
  16. Indian International Center
  17. Chandni Chowk
  18. Lodhi Garden
  19. Safdarjung tomb
  20. Pragati Maidan
  21. Doll House

I hope most of these places don’t turn out to be ‘lover’s points’ (where couples hang out and embarrass the tourists)

Weight loss experiment number ‘something’: Yog

I bet almost everyone knows about my struggle with myself to lose weight. Garima di of course pushed me and helped me lose some in Toronto, but here I am, a month later, back to my original shape. And dad is back on his teasing spree – with his kashmir to kanyakumari joke  :/

So when I started cribbing about my weight again, a few of my friends got sick of it and told me to try ‘yoga’. I asked for some help and one of them even sent me a link. So today after a week of avoiding and making excuses, I finally decided to give it a shot and I realized that I was panting after 4 minutes. Damn it.

After doing one ‘suryanamaskar‘, I took a small break and thought of getting back to my power point presentation which I had to mail by 12 am. But then I got distracted (which is no big deal for me, seriously).

Yoga, as we call it today is actually supposed to be pronounced as ‘Yog’ and  written in English as ‘Yoga’. Being an Indian, saying that you’re doing Yoga is like saying that the Mahabharataaa or the Ramayanaaa is my favourite piece of literature. The West pretty much sold East’s own stuff to it. Yog has become more of a raging trend rather than a device to increase one’s spiritual intelligence amongst other things.

 In Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism the word yoga means “spiritual discipline”. People often associate yoga with the postures and stances that make up the physical activity of the exercise, but after closer inspection it becomes clear that there are many more aspects of yoga.

It is known that yoga originated from the East. The earliest signs of yoga appear in ancient Shamanism. Evidence of yoga postures were found on artifacts that date back to 3000 B.C. Evidence of yoga is found in the oldest-existing text, Rig-Veda. Rig-Veda is a composition of hymns. Topics of the Rig-Veda include prayer, divine harmony, and greater being.

The Internet is one huge world. I realized this again when I came across this link which shocked me: The Spiritual Deception of Yoga – Christian Assemblies International

But then they’re Christians. And that is not supposed to be interpreted in an offensive manner. I have nothing against the community.

Source (quoted text): Yoga – the art of meditation, breathing, relaxation and spirituality

Founder’s day + Radhika’s birthday = One day Epicness :P

Okay, so it was the 2nd of September and we were supposed to have submissions before the scheduled Founder’s day celebrations. Having missed out on the performances and stuff in some other block, we made up for it in the college amphi.

This time, we weren’t the target for the seniors’ entertainment. We’re second year students now!!!

We all assembled at the amphitheatre and had fun with the freshers, had the cake (yum!) and got in the lecture hall for the performances. Man, these guys are so many, some people had to stand and watch the performances. People sang, mimicked professors, and we also got our new Student Council! Yay!!

Then we went out again, fooled around some more, and started dancing. Nobody seemed to be giving a shit about the heat and the massive area filled with the stench of dancing people. People kept moving in and out to catch there breath or even get some air. The people kept clicking photos and I was busy photo bombing XD


And yes, getting some clicked too 🙂


The event ended after that and a handful of us sat at the amphitheatre, with some more freshers 😛

The rest of the evening was spent bathing and giving some recovery time to our legs. I went off to sleep earlier than usual, around 11 and I was woken up by Vanshica and Diksha with their handmade birthday card for Radhika!  Yes, it’s her birthday on the 3rd!

I reached their room on time and we sang, cut the cake at 12am, put some on her face too, danced at some weirdest songs ever and burst the balloons. I’m not so sure she’ll appreciate it if I put the pictures up here. :/

To say the least, we had a great time. But I’m tired again and I hadn’t really recovered from the daytime madness anyway. So here I am, updating my blog at 1:30am, and about to crash right after I hit ‘publish’.